i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
