So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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