you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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