Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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