The maid of honor just puked.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
