why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
