There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
