so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
