marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
