what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
