you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
