he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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