He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
