Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
