You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
