I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
