She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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