I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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