pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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