my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
