Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
