alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize