yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
