I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
