Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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