Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
