So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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