at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
