im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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