Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
