I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
