If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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