I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
