I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
