fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
