I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
