I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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