ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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