1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
