Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
