hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
