Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
love makes seman taste better
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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