People in love make me want to vomit
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
