The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
