First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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