You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
