I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
