I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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