I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
