I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
