how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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