Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
