can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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