just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
