You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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