the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
