if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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