He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
