you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
