It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
