He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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