i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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