...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just threw up on my dentist
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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