Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize