yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
