There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
