I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
