Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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