I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize