I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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