Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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