VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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