So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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