he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
