WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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