Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
